


A Danger to Himself and Others

by Humanity_Strongest_001, Levi__Acker_Gay



Series: The suffering of Alec Lightwood [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Drug Use, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Restraints, Robert Lightwood Being an Asshole, Sad Alec Lightwood, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:00:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24286246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanity_Strongest_001/pseuds/Humanity_Strongest_001, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levi__Acker_Gay/pseuds/Levi__Acker_Gay
Summary: Hurt yourself.He doesn't hear anyone's voice this time, but his own.Alec uses his his elbows. It hurts, but not enough.Enough will be when the glass breaks.Enough willl be when he hears it shatter.Enough will be when he's bleeding, and the wire is wrapped around his wrist like a bracelet.And maybe then it still won't be enough. Maybe it willl be enough when he's dead.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood & Max Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Maryse Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Robert Lightwood
Series: The suffering of Alec Lightwood [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742491
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	A Danger to Himself and Others

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MoonlightBreeze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/gifts), [Nadja_Lee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/gifts).



> Based on an extract from the book 'A danger to herself and others' by Alyssa Sheinmas  
> It's a very good book, one that I recommend  
> Sorry for any mistakes :)

Alec presses the heels of his palms to his temples, then to his eyes, until he sees spots. 'Or does he? Will he ever know the difference between reality and hallucination? Will he spend the rest of his life questioning every new aquaintance, every overheard whisper? Who's to stay whether Mark and Stephen were the first people his brain invented? Maybe there were others who came before them: a man smiling at him on the street, the checkout girl at the supermarket, a teacher calling him in for a private meeting. He will never know for sure.'

'Maybe he will never be certain of anything ever again.'

  
'No! There are some things he is certain of though: he's certain that he didn't like it out in the world today. He is certain that he didn't like sitting in the back of Aldetree's car onn the meandering roads from here to the courthouse. And he didn't like the looks on his parent's faces in the conference room or in the parking lot. None of it felt safe or good.'

'This room is safe. It's not even that small, now that he has it to himself. He could stay here forever.'

But they're sending him away, sending him home. Because he has a diagnosis, and the judge said that what happened to Jace wasn't his fault. Soon, Alec will be flying back across the country, sleeping in his own bed, walking through New York with his siblings. His father, who hated him, who hated being alone with him for just five minutes this afternon; who was careful so his fingers wouldn't even brush Alec's hand, when he handed him some tissue.

Alec get's out of bed and paces in the darkness.

When they brought him him here, they said he might pose a 'danger to himself and others.' He can still picture the words written on the first page of his file.

At the courthouse today, Catarina said 'people with this disease are more likely to hurt themselves than others.'

Her voice practically sounded like a prescription. Alec stops pacing, and slides his pants down his legs. He ties them around his neck, even though it meant being naked from the waist down. He pulls as hard as he can, willing the world to go dark, but the pants rip. He lets them drop to the floor.

Alec crosses the room and stands on his tiptoes beneath the window. There are no bars on the other side of it, but in the moonlight, he can see the glass i laced with safety wire. The wire will make it hurt more when the glass shatters.

Hurt themselves.

Hurt yourself.

He doesn't hear anyone's voice this time, but his own.

Alec uses his his elbows. It hurts, but it is not enough.

Enough will be when the glass breaks.

Enough willl be when he hears it shatter.

Enough will be when he's bleeding, and the wire is wrapped around his wrist like a bracelet.

And maybe then it still won't be enough. Maybe it willl be enough when he's dead.

It hurts.

Bang.

Could he break his elbow?

Bang.

Hurt themselves.

Bang.

Hurt yourself.

Bang.

He's out of breath, sweating and panting. His dark hair sticking to his forehead and cheeks with sweat.

Bang.

He had wanted to get his life back on track.

Bang.

His life will never be on the same track or level it was on before.

Bang.

Louder this time.

Bang.

Harder this time.

Alec is standing on his tiptoes. Half the time he hits the wall beneath the high window instead of the glass because he can bareley reach the window, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't care, it doesn't matter, it hurts either way.

Bang.

An orderly bursts into the room. Alec shouts for him to wait.

Bang.

'He can drag Alec away, back to the padded white room, just let him break the glass first.'

Bang.

'Or his elbow. Whichever breaks first. As long as something breaks.'

Bang.

'Shoot him up with drugs, just wait long enough for him to finish what he started. He had to finish it.'

Bang.

He doesn't wait

.

The last time someone burst into Alec's room after lights-out, it was Catarina and Aldertree when his meds kicked in and Stephen disappeared. Tonight it's an orderly he's never seen before. Catarina and Aldertree must have gone home. Maybe it's later than it was that night. Or maybe she didn't stay tonight because she thought she didn't have to worry that he might act up.

Alec doesn't fight it when the orderly puts his arms around him. He goes limp as he is dragged away from the window, from the room, into an elevator down to the first floor. The orderly brings Alec to a room he's never seen before. Two rows of beds are lined up along the walls. The bed's are sepersted by curtains.

The orderly put's him on a bed and holds him down, not noticing that Alec is not even struggling. A nurse comes over and tucks a blanket around him, covering his bottom half.

"Is it broken?" the orderly asks. The nurse holds up Alec's right arm. She gently straightens and bends the arm to examine it. She looks at his face to gauge how much pain she was causing him.

"Doesn't seem to be, but he's going to have one hell of a bruise in the morning."  
She wraps his elbow with a bandage. The orderly is standing over Alec with black leather straps. For a second, he thinks he's going to be beaten, to punish Alec for acting out. He found he wanted the beating, the pain it would bring.

"Is that really necessary?" the nurse asks. "If he struggles, it could aggravate the injuryy."  
"It's protocol after an event like this" the orderly replies, "the doctor can remove them in the morning."

He leans over and buckles the straps to the metal bar on the left side of the bed, his uninjured side. He sticks Alec's hand through the loop on the side of the bed, then tightens the loop around his wrist. It's fuzzy on the inside, not leather, but something soft, comforting.

He moves to the other side of the bed, forcing the nurse to step aside. He's careful as he slides Alec's battered arm into the restraints. "He's not struggling" he adds, "I guess he wore himself out."

"I'm going to administor a sedative nonetheless. I don't want to risk him flailing about, and doing more damage to theat elbow."

Alec felt the prick of the needle, and the sedative entered his veins. The familiar heaviness settling over him.

He never thought that being restrained, tied up, would feel as secure and cozy as being wrapped up in his favourite blanket back home. But right now, he likes how it feels to be sedated and restrained.

The nurse reaches over and brushes his hair back off his forehead with her fingers. "You're safe here."

'They can't possibly send him away now. He's a danger to himself and others. He hurt himself.'

'Maybe they'll keep him here forever. Maybe they should. Maybe this is the only place he can be safe and keep others safe. Where he can't hurt others, and people like her can keep an eye on him.'

His eyes close, the last things he feel are security and comfort. 'Maybe they'll let him stay.'

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and kudos if you liked  
> If there are any mistakes, please correct me  
> Thanks for reading <3


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